sebastian

i knew the moment he was conceived and a short while later, he told me his name.

i asked him not to come until he was ready -- the trauma of his sister's early arrival still hanging over my heart -- and he ventured forth on exactly his due date.

i wrote him a letter a few days after he was born, as i'd done for his sister before him, and in it i named him my 'child of peace'.

as an infant, where his sister had screamed bloody murder for the first five months and torn my soul into tatters, he smiled a lot and loved to be cuddled.

he was exactly what i needed to heal my heart; to show me that perhaps i wasn't such a failure after all.

when he turned a year, he didn't delight in the party we gave him the way most yearlings do -- basking in the adoration of his family and friends who all waited expectantly for that Kodak moment of cake-smearing and a first taste of ice-cream.

instead he screamed until i swooped him away to a quiet place -- just he and i and the silence.

after that, any attempt at going out was near impossible.  at the grocery store he'd scream if anyone looked at him...when he got bigger and was walking, he'd lie down in the aisle and cry until i picked him up and took him out.

eventually, we rearranged things so he wouldn't have to go out in public.

naturally, everyone thought there was something *wrong* with him.

  "he must be autistic, you should have him tested"

i ignored them, but secretly researched autism in the dark of the night when everyone slept. in the depths of my mama's heart - that place where you really Know -  i knew there was nothing wrong with this magical boy who loved so fiercely and whose eyes crackled with sparks of joy every time he smiled.

when he was 19 months old and not talking i did have him assessed -- only to be sure there was no physical reason for him not doing the usual babbling and chattering.  all that was fine, but the speech pathologist insisted he needed 'intervention' and put him on a waiting list.  they finally called when he was three but we had never needed it.  she told me how to direct his play and encourage him to make noises with his trains and animals. i knew that would never fly, he was always very intense -- yes, he lined them up in fine autist fashion -- obsessing over making sure they were just-so -- there was no way he'd allow me to join in uninvited and i certainly couldn't be the one driving the bus! so i nodded and smiled and thanked her...and took my perfect child home. we never had trouble communicating...if he wanted a sandwich, he'd bring us a loaf of bread and the jar of peanut butter.  we learned how to communicate without speech.

from about 10 months of age onwards, his sleep patterns were governed by the phases of the moon. he is restless and wakeful prior to both the New and the Full....it's easier now because he's old enough to entertain himself while one of us dozes -- he falls asleep when he's ready.  trying to regiment that has never been successful -- forcing an early 'bedtime' means he's awake at 3am and raring to go.  eventually, he taught us to honour his cycle.

he's 6 now. he's not a typical 6 year old boy and going places and doing certain things still involves a degree of challenge. he doesn't always transition well and immerses himself deeply and intensely in activities -- he sucks the marrow dry before he moves onto the next thing -- apparently 6 year old boys aren't supposed to to that -- so typical 'groups' and activities don't fit our style. we can't take part in structured activities -- but really, who's to say that's the only way, anyway? he opened the door to unschooling -- and we gladly walked through it.

i still find myself at odds with Common Belief -- that he should have had speech therapy; that he should be forced to do this, that and the other; that he should be expected to behave in a certain way in certain situations. and in the moments that i wonder if maybe everyone else is right and i'm the one who's wrong -- for  stubbornly defending this child's right to be his own person -- i remember everything he's taught me; i remember how he has challenged everything i  thought i knew about parenting and the world; how i've had to stretch further and harder to meet his needs -- all of which he has the Divine right to have taken care of....by the simple truth that he Is. and when i remember these things i remember that he's perfect.

every child is born Perfect

it is not our job as parents and adults to mold these children into our own ideal of what they should be. if you look around -- even in the so-called Positive Parenting movement, the subtle signs of manipulation are there. well-meaning, i've no doubt -- but designed to funnel development along a prescribed route. most of us may have unknowingly done that -- i was doing it with Savannah until her brother showed me that it could be different.

that it could be so much different. and that we'd be all the better for his gifts.

i have a hard time, still, sharing my boy-child -- he defies definition...describing a day with him would be beyond difficult. but i've realized recently, that my decision not to share him is based in fear. i feel tremendously protective of him...and fiercely defend him and his right to be himself....and i'm afraid -- afraid that he will be judged, that he will be seen as somehow Less....simply because he drums his own rhythm. 

and sometimes i'm afraid that i've got it all wrong and that i've failed him in my own stubbornness and blind love.

and so, again, it comes down to a matter of faith. and trust. and  the ferocious love i have for my boy -- and a belief that, as he has always done, he will show me the way and somehow, some way, i will simply Know.

and this....i first saw via the lovely Stephanie...and it made me cry -- sweet happy tears -- and now you know why...

where we are

it's been a week of questions....mine, theirs, ours.

i wonder sometimes, about these chronicles of our goings-on -- how much is too much, where are the lines that we cross or don't....and to say nothing of the agony of doubt. there are days when i look around, slightly bleary-eyed, shaking myself loose from our sandalwood-scented haze of paint and books and dog hair and wonder what the hell i'm doing.

in my heart of hearts i know...i believe...that we are walking the right path. but how that looks from day to day, or where the road is taking us...well, that's where my faith is tested.

i asked Savannah the other day, if she felt like she was missing something...if she wanted more.


"Why? Did someone complain that we weren't learning something?"  


from the mouths of babes.  you can tell that we offer full-disclosure around here. she knows well of the trials of family and the doubting and questioning and disapprovals.  we want her to know, so that we can explain how we see it differently. and she gets it. she's a perceptive kid.

but no, this time i didn't ask in response to an external judgment. this time it came from me.

at last...there is snow

i recognize my biases. i recognize i've leaned heavily toward art and literature in my strewing of their path. i've offered the science -- we have a deep fascination with the world around us...but, again -- my bias is that of Biology -- it's where my partial degree is, and then my vet tech training -- and the art/stories far outweigh in influence. so i worry that they're getting a lopsided view of the world. not that it's a bad view.

Sarah wrote a couple of lovely posts about how she has moved through curriculum-based education to unschooling to something somewhere in between. it gave me much to think about....although i've been thinking about it rather a lot lately.

i'm not a rabid unschooler. i believe strongly in the principles therein...but i also recognize that each family -- each child -- is different. so to paint us all with the same brush, is as inherently foolish as the way the conventional educational system operates.

a modest snow-person....coaxed out of not-packing snow

i suppose what i'm struggling with mostly, is trying to discover what unschooling looks like to us. and even then - how it looks for Savannah is vastly different to how it looks for Sebastian.

so where are we?

Savannah has decided she wants to learn how to tell time....so we dusted off a workbook and are meeting at The Table every morning to explore that. she's also decided she wants to learn Spanish. i'm still working on that one....

we have Arthurian legend on the brain -- and enjoyed a boisterous session of sword-fighting on the Wii at Nanna's on Friday. we've also just started watching this documentary on Netflix - and are marveling at the vast beauty of this country we live in. for me, it's an affirmation (at just the right time) of the extraordinary that exists right under our noses. there's a new hidden object game from Big Fish that the pair of them have been glued to for almost two days.

and of course....there's the art and the pursuit thereof.  big paintings and small paintings, illustrated story 'books', air-drying clay sculpture....it's never-ending.

but is it enough?

i really don't know. it's a blind faith, this road.

mostly we're just bumbling along.

happy new year...

i woke up this morning (almost 8am - GASP!) to the sound of rain on the bedroom window.  it seemed so perfect....the rain washing away what was left of 2010. then, when i got up and took Emma-dog out....i heard birds singing. (a real rarity around these parts in January). those things together confirmed for me that 2011 is going to be a really, really good year. you can, as do i, interpret good howsoever feels right to you.

goodies from the Big Box o' Art Supplies from Grandma L

i didn't get the house cleaned yesterday -- not for lack of effort. i was tidying up around here and there when i got sucked into the marathon of River Monsters on Discovery channel. B had put it on for Savannah while she was arting and before long, all three of us were glued in fascinated horror to the screen. (we shall not speak of the things that some fish do in the Amazon *shudder*) still, we learned a lot.

after that, we went up to my mom's for an early birthday party for Savannah. pizza, cake and ice-cream on the menu -- although we're all fairly food-ed out by now. and a few more just-what-i-always-wanted gifts to make her soul sing.

she has a passion for EXTREMELY LARGE mural-type drawings these days

my hopes for the Jane Austen movie marathon were not to be realized so i browsed the selection on NetFlix (our newest discovery -- we're trying out the free 30 days!) and made my choice...saw everyone else settled and then tucked myself into bed with a weiner dog, two cats and the first season of Merlin cued up {i do believe i have mentioned that i'm an utter dork...i'm also a sucker for all-things-Arthur..besides, Colin Morgan has the cutest dimples...but i digress}.

well, it was only a short time before it was me, a weiner dog, two cats and two snuggly kids.

Sebastian: "What are you watching....oooh! It's a knight!" (climbs in beside me -- "'scuse me cat...")
{a moment or two later}
Savannah: "Hey, what are you guys watching? Oh, can I watch too?" (scootches along disgruntled weiner dog)
{10 minutes pass}
B: "Oh, i wondered where everyone went to....anybody need anything?" (goes back to the History channel after refilling water bottles and bringing cookies)

 i'm happily brainwashing sharing my interests of all-things-Arthur...although Sebastian's fondness for knights and dragons and Savannah's love of all-things-magic, make them easy marks students.

needless to say...it was a moste excellente way to spend New Year's Eve...we happily leave the parties and noise-makers and drunken buffoonery to more willing participants.

AND -- i have some utterly delectable mail-art to share....tomorrow....because i have just been engaged to paint with my favourite painting partners...;)

hope you're spending this day following your bliss...

soundtrack sunday

okay...not a song. but so very worth thinking about.....



learn more  here.

we have affirmed....will you?

ideas

a really cool snippet from one of the most interesting voices in education reform that i've heard speak in quite some time. while he always seems to stop short of actual solutions....i find he's quietly affirming that we unschooly/life-learny types might actually be onto something...



go figure.

(sorry for any copyright issues with viewing....here's the actual YouTube link..if it helps)

so what's the point?

so many half-formed thoughts on things i'd like to write about.....this week has seen waves of synchronicity buffeting me about.

my blogging  history is somewhat dodgy at best...i went from daily diatribes to dwindling off to packing it in altogether. something about feeling *required* to post -- even though that was ludicrously self-imposed -- put me off. add to that, a general world-weariness with the 'mommy-blogger' set and i went off in a huff.

a view from my ride to work on Wednesday

and it didn't help that i'd divided myself into three parts - this unschooly-themed blog, my arty efforts blog and another, more navel-gazing one which no longer exists in the public realm. i suppose the effort (yes, enormous, it was) to keep them all going eroded my enthusiasm.

i have a love-hate thing with blogging. i've come dangerously close to hitting Ye Olde Delete button many a time - existential crisis mostly...or paranoia over who might be reading...or rebellion against all the Other Unschooling Mother's who appear to be doing a better job than i am.

which, of course, is bullshit.

so i've wended my way to something of a disgruntled delight in the act of blogging -- having completely reframed my perspective. it's disgruntled only because i was sure i was done with the whole thing and had just got comfortable with my righteous indignation. i'm sure the disgruntlement will wear off in time.

all set to go to The Royal Winter Fair 

so this will become more than 'just' our family unschooling blog.

i am more than the way i parent, and more than the devastating charm of my children -- although they are much to do with the space i occupy now. i'm not entirely sure how or in what ways, it will be more....but i know that i'm bored with posting pictures of what we do during a week....and occasionally frantic that the photographic lack will illustrate that we sometimes accomplish very little. (that can be documented by photos, of course)

i am content in the notion that the very few people who read regularly will perhaps become even fewer. but i am also quite content with the notion that whether or not anyone actually reads, i still have the odd interesting thing to say. that's a pretty huge revelation for me.

it's about fearlessness.

and being fearless has to start somewhere.

life with horses

B and i decided when the children were still only tiny, that we wouldn't push our horsey life on them. we wouldn't assume that they'd follow in our footsteps...and, in fact, moved away from that life altogether. granted, it took B's accident to prompt him to move away - there really wasn't a choice -- but the important thing was that if either one was to choose to have horses in their life, it was to be a choice freely made.

some time last autumn, Savannah decided she'd like to take riding lessons.  we asked her to wait until spring -- who wants to learn to ride in a Canadian winter? -- also to be sure it's what she really wanted..and not just a passing whim.

java -- naughty pony

fast forward to this autumn, and she's been taking weekly lessons since May.  it's all gone very well and she is,  genuinely and without bias (mostly), a natural talent.  her lesson time changed to Thursday evenings about two months ago, and since that's my evening to work, B has been taking her.  last night a shift cancellation meant i could take her and was very much looking forward to seeing how things have progressed.

but she's had a rough few weeks. she's been thrown twice in the last month - once it was unavoidable and she weathered it well, but the second time it was a ridiculous situation she was placed in where poor judgement on her instructor's part had the pony taking off at a smart gallop and although she almost stayed on, in the end, she fell off. that one, rattled her.  now, she tells me on Wednesday night, she's afraid to trot.

*sigh*

so what does a mother do?  there is a very real element in this horsey life that absolutely requires a measure of toughness. there's no pussy-footing around. she fell off and she will fall off again. ponies will bugger off; they'll buck; they'll do all manner of fiendish things. it's just a part of life with horses.  how to communicate that to her without making it sound like a 'suck it up' speech. when really, that's what it is.

looking very serious -- note the size difference between pony and (beginner) rider :(

so we drew some cards.

and the lessons to be learned there were simple but powerful.  i explained to her that the reason she was frightened was because she had forgotten. she had forgotten her own strength; she had forgotten that even though she was scared when she fell off the last time, she got back on. and i talked about how her pony would pick up on her feelings and that she needed to remember to keep her *heart balance* -- which is an over-simplified explanation of being calm and centered.

nevertheless, she was terrified. she was reluctant to trot and her pony picked up on that. so the poor assistant instructor had to run beside them to keep the little effer going (i'm not a fan of this pony -- he's naughty and he's a cheat....but i digress)...all the while, i hear Savannah whimpering and on the verge of tears.  oh, how i did not want to be one of Those Mothers -- you know the ones...the over-involved, bossy types that don't respect the boundaries of the teacher/instructor/coach-student relationship -- but when it got to the point where her coach was apparently intent on trying to push her through her fear rather than address it, i stepped in. i gave her a little pep talk and reminded her of needing to remember her *balance*....and the lesson ended much better than it started and she felt good about how things finished.

but we're also exploring other options. i went to a meeting afterwards of the local Pony Club chapter -- having just signed her up.....it's a whole different dynamic than the typical 'show stables' and will give her a better practical knowledge and skills of horsemanship rather than just the part where you're riding around.  it will also give us a network to find a place where there are ponies that aren't too big for the children riding them and....eventually, a pony of her own.

before all that though, she still needs to defeat the Java Monster.

tuesday

Sebastian was awake at 4am.  the new moon is just around the corner...i have no other explanation, really. B had insomnia and slept less than four hours. i got up at 5 am, after having dozed while listening to the boy singing along with a DVD.

i had an 11 am appointment at the bank -- discussions of consolidation, an effort to simplify debt.  evidently you're not to be helped if you don't own a home.  which is fine.  we'll carry on as we were...i refuse to believe the cornerstone of success lies in brick and mortar. it's in the banks' best interest, after all, to keep you owing.

and so, when the menfolk lay themselves down for an afternoon nap and Savannah was outside playing,  i went down to the art cave and i painted.

painted away the doubt...which wasn't hard...the doubt clings less these days. it's rather more a half-hearted attempt to bring us back under the umbrella of the Busy World. i have absolute faith that things will turn out just fine.

it isn't finished yet. i still have to do something with the hands. this week we're painting a memory....siphoning emotion onto the paper. and it reminded me that true success in life, as in painting, requires us to be fearless.

what if....

every day.....

you got to stay at the Art Station.....as long as you wanted.

and you got to play computer games...as long as you wanted....

and recess came whenever you felt too big for the house so you pull on your sneakers and run out without your coat. then you tear around the tree and jump in huge piles of leaves until your nose runs and your cheeks are red and you almost wish you'd remembered your coat...almost.

~*~

what if, when we were growing up, there wasn't someone telling us to move to the next station (even though our painting wasn't done yet and we didn't like the play-house)? how would our lives be different now?

what if, The Experts didn't scare us with the evils of computer games and how they're eroding the minds and souls of our children (even though when given free access and steady guidance, our children are capable of making balanced choices)? could we accept that computers and games have a place?

what if, children were free to run and explore and experience the wild world around them without being hovered over and organized and lectured? would we still think it's irresponsible to let our kids out of arm's reach?

can you imagine what they might learn?

like shape and form and colour; like the vast power of imagination and our innate gifts of creativity; how you can learn physics and architecture without even realizing it by figuring out where to put the dynamite to demolish the computer-generated model; like how you discover the first frost and why it's on some leaves and not others and you might hypothesize why this is so. and without being told, you're right.

they might even learn that a paintbrush has equal value to an algorithm and a poem is just math in a different format.

all that, and more, before 11 am.

~*~

there are times when i despair that *i* don't know enough or have enough knowledge in some area or other to be responsible for the education of these children. that maybe lesson plans aren't such a bad idea; that maybe there should be more of this or that.

and then i remember that these children are amazing, and that as long as it's fed, their natural curiosity will take them so much farther than any preconceived ideas we might have over what *stuff* we think they should know. that to suppose we can know what lies ahead in the wonder of their lives is a mild form of arrogance. they are, after all, only on loan to us...and not ours to create in our own, or anyone else's image.

such is the beauty and the miracle of this life we are leading.

so....where've we been?

ah yes....too lazy to upload pictures again....but we've been sorta busy...

walking in the woods...

and we've been painting these really BIG paintings....

*scribble*...by Savannah

*flow*...by Savannah

because any kid with this much confidence in her individuality and personal style....

needs to learn that she deserves to hang onto it.

a tour of the art cave...

this fabulous space was transformed by my genius dad from a sort of non-space -- not really a room, not really an anything -- in between the laundry room and B's office in the basement. Masterminded by my design-on-a-dime mom we added some shelves and a purpose and Hey Presto! -- we have a dedicated art-space. which is great for containing mess and supplies but most of all it gives WORTH to the pursuit of all things Art....

both kids (mostly Savannah) and i spend time in here doing various and assorted things  following a recent and massive decluttering we have moved things around to make more room to work and better use of our shelf space. in the aftermath of this New and Improved space, i felt compelled to add some impromptu signage...

the only Rules of the art cave are -- don't leave your brushes to dry and get crispy and try not to waste paint. but sometimes, you do have extra paint...thusly, you paint on the wall....

deliciously naughty of us, no?

What we do...

We're back.

A few 'cosmetic' changes...a little something to mark the passage of time.

You will notice a change in the blog title....it was Earthenwitch who coined the phrase, as she described Sunday breakfasts with her little family; a time of unhurried cups of tea, of wandering in the garden, of feeding ducks and reading books. She described it as experiencing life..as it happened, rather than how someone else prescribed it. It struck me that this is how we choose to live our life...well, as much as possible, anyway. Combine those thoughts with the realization that it's been about a year since Savannah left school - yessiree, she's a kindergarten drop-out, some questions raised by a caring friend about what exactly is unschooling and the fact that there have been raised eyebrows and puzzled looks surrounding the idea that this removal from school isn't a temporary thing. It's a done deal. Until such time as either one decides they'd like to return....it's over.

Of course there are questions, worries, concerns, panic - how? why? what about...? Hopefully there can be some answers found in the handy-dandy links on the sidebar. And I hope to further populate my list of other blogs with more wonderful unschooling families and the things they get up to.

But for now, a brief synopsis....a glimpse of our little world and what we get up to....after all - this one's all about the pictures.

First, you should know.....that the world is our classroom - there are no walls, no time limits - only our boundless imaginations and the far reaches of the Universe to hold us in.....lots of room to move, there, wouldn't you agree?

We stop to smell the flowers......and we believe that a 'weed' is just a 'weed' because a person didn't plant it there....

We follow our noses and find treasures in the unlikeliest of places....

... indeed, there is Life amidst the decay

We take a bug box out into the woods to look for caterpillars....and if we don't find any...then we look for other things instead.....

...like wild strawberries and red clover tops - yummy things to eat. See? It's best not to depend too much on a plan...you might miss something.

The seats are very comfy in our classroom....they're all over the place and.....

..there's always one with a good view of the.....

....*board*.

"But how do they learn?"

*sigh* Still don't get it? Okay...

We play with books....we are surrounded by books...all kinds of books....and sometimes, we read them....sometimes we just look at them....and sometimes we build fortresses with them...but they are always there...for when we're ready...

We send and receive postcards from all over the world....we wonder about the people and the places and their beautiful lives...(we refer to the aforementioned books when we desire further details - or not.)

We make paper dolls....just because it's fun and art ROCKS our little world...

And then, when we're tired - we take naps....

Life is a journey and we choose the road less travelled....


Walk with us?