yup, still here

it seems strange to just wander back in here.

but i'm going to do that, seeing as how i'm at a loss as to how to segue from nothing to something after several months of absence.

i shall just carry on then, shall i?

~*~

almost September...well, if you believe the newspaper flyers pushing school supplies and the Dollar Store with it's Halloween decorations {wtf? seriously, i saw it with my own eyes}.

it's been a stinking hot summer -- but an enjoyable one.

overall, anyway.

charmed, i'm sure

i do feed him, really. 

 we found ourselves mostly at either the pool, the beach {what passes for such around here} or hiding out in the air-conditioning. thankfully, the well-timed purchase of those two little units of cooling nirvana enabled us to brave the blistering heat more often -- knowing we'd have cool respite on our return.

which was a great improvement over last summer wherein we lay about like great sweaty slugs without the will to move unnecessarily for fear of generating more heat.

so endeth my high-minded notions on the perils of air-conditioning.  i'm still not a huge fan of bottled-air --  much preferring the open-windowed approach but i concede to the reality of global warming and peri-menopausal influences.

'nuff said.

so yes.

busy.

Savannah and her beloved Penny -- so happy she can't open her eyes. :)

things have shifted considerably -- inner and outer.

the 'outer' being in the form of rather monumental financial disruptions -- monumental in terms of near-catastrophic at times which has meant a bit of reshuffle and re-prioritizing.

basically -- those priorities being shelter and food.

i'm not kidding.

not a bad thing -- seeing as how simplicity is what we've always aimed for and craved. the Universe provides and all that....

and this is the way of the off-the-trail, dream-following folk that we are. these are just the deeper, fiscal lessons that come with such wacky notions, yes?

inner-wise...a shift in focus as well. gradually moving toward a more unplugged existence. i  treasure the great value in this interwebby world, but i find myself happier these days with only brief sojourns in the ether before slipping  back to the pen-to-paper, face-to-the-wild-wind approaches of connection.

an effort toward conversation over monologue, y'know?

i must confess to massive influence by certain books --  prompted by certain podcasts. {omg - if you have a minute to spare go and peruse the rest of the juicy {FREE} library over here.}

and then the children.  growing and changing before my eyes -- joy-full and sad all at the same time. i catch myself staring at them sometimes, marveling at their brilliance and Beauty....and getting mildly panicked that it all seems to be moving too fast.

and then there are the days when i'm tearing my hair out and wanting to throttle them.

such is the magic...:D

so we're back in this space. it was a long time sorting out what it might become -- it can't be about an inventory of our days -- they are too much the same and too much wildly different to try and chronicle as such. and for other reasons...more bound up in sovereignty and what is truly mine to share.

so it might look a tiny bit different -- or maybe not at all.

i have a thought to bringing making this the place to pile the moon-stones as well....a thought that this is the place to find those moments of Presence and acknowledgement of Beauty.

which is, after all, the point of everything.

~*~

{i tried to upload more photos -- but Blogger is being tiresome -- so i'll catch up in the next while}

connections

it came to me when i was scribbling madness onto my morning pages. {which is the Reader's Digest version of how it came about...it was actually a week-long battle with Great Cosmic Forces and my penchant for being a bit slow at times.}

the even shorter version is i've realized this unschooling journey is exactly the same as our journey to art. well, it's mostly my journey to art -- children are born artists -- so says Picasso. and i happen to believe him.

i have learned that in opening ourselves to the creative source....we open ourselves to a place of infinite possibility.

kind of like unschooling

i was tidying up today and i came across a pile of Savannah's GIANT drawings. she creates complex scenes of fantastical creatures on the giant vellum Bristol that i buy for my big paintings.  and then she drops them in a heap in the hallway to be recycled.

occasionally there's one she loves and decides to tape it to her wall. or she'll gift one to one of us. but otherwise, she's done. in the moment, they are her Masterpieces; while she's working on them, they are precious. once they're finished  though, and she's shared the story behind them, she can set them aside and move onto the next thing.

assemblage of found objects {raiding the recycling bin} ~ Savannah

she is completely disengaged from the product*. it's all about the process.

kind of like unschooling 


so yeah, i'm done looking in other places for our extraordinary. it's clearly right here under my nose.

and so the drumming finds a rhythm.....and our haze of paint and poetry isn't such a mad idea after all.


*my next post will illustrate that this isn't always the case...;)

shift work

frost on the window pane
~life up close~

things are moving around here. subtle, but profound shifts that leave you with that "Ooooh, now i get it" feeling.

good stuff. but it means change.

i'm not sure of the future (if any) of this space. i'm struggling with the purpose of it...ie. what was my original intention and where is it now? i am afraid that it has become a place to justify how we choose to live, rather than simply a chronicle of our days. it's just how it's become to feel whenever i think of posting.

i also want to be mindful of my children; of their journey, of how their future-selves will look back on this.

i feel less moved to document our lives with photos, strictly for the purpose of blogging here. i see how that works so beautifully for some families...and i love to visit with them...but it doesn't seem to capture who we are.

how do i capture the wild wind and the rain, and the fast-beating hearts of my faery children? because these are the things that are the pulse of my family....the feral days of paint and poetry...tomatoes for breakfast, the fire of our disagreements and the vast, vast love of our forgiving.

 i look at the photographs and i know there is so much more to them...especially my beloved Sebastian- who seems to get very little air-time...only because of the elusiveness of his Bright and Shining soul. it is he who has taught me the most - even more than my magical girl - yet the one who i seem unable to share. at least, not yet.

so i'm still around. i'm peeping in your windows and leaving wild honey on your doorsteps.....

....but mostly we're going to follow the wild drum-beat of our souls....into the woods for a while.

blessings and Light to you and yours.....

where we are

it's been a week of questions....mine, theirs, ours.

i wonder sometimes, about these chronicles of our goings-on -- how much is too much, where are the lines that we cross or don't....and to say nothing of the agony of doubt. there are days when i look around, slightly bleary-eyed, shaking myself loose from our sandalwood-scented haze of paint and books and dog hair and wonder what the hell i'm doing.

in my heart of hearts i know...i believe...that we are walking the right path. but how that looks from day to day, or where the road is taking us...well, that's where my faith is tested.

i asked Savannah the other day, if she felt like she was missing something...if she wanted more.


"Why? Did someone complain that we weren't learning something?"  


from the mouths of babes.  you can tell that we offer full-disclosure around here. she knows well of the trials of family and the doubting and questioning and disapprovals.  we want her to know, so that we can explain how we see it differently. and she gets it. she's a perceptive kid.

but no, this time i didn't ask in response to an external judgment. this time it came from me.

at last...there is snow

i recognize my biases. i recognize i've leaned heavily toward art and literature in my strewing of their path. i've offered the science -- we have a deep fascination with the world around us...but, again -- my bias is that of Biology -- it's where my partial degree is, and then my vet tech training -- and the art/stories far outweigh in influence. so i worry that they're getting a lopsided view of the world. not that it's a bad view.

Sarah wrote a couple of lovely posts about how she has moved through curriculum-based education to unschooling to something somewhere in between. it gave me much to think about....although i've been thinking about it rather a lot lately.

i'm not a rabid unschooler. i believe strongly in the principles therein...but i also recognize that each family -- each child -- is different. so to paint us all with the same brush, is as inherently foolish as the way the conventional educational system operates.

a modest snow-person....coaxed out of not-packing snow

i suppose what i'm struggling with mostly, is trying to discover what unschooling looks like to us. and even then - how it looks for Savannah is vastly different to how it looks for Sebastian.

so where are we?

Savannah has decided she wants to learn how to tell time....so we dusted off a workbook and are meeting at The Table every morning to explore that. she's also decided she wants to learn Spanish. i'm still working on that one....

we have Arthurian legend on the brain -- and enjoyed a boisterous session of sword-fighting on the Wii at Nanna's on Friday. we've also just started watching this documentary on Netflix - and are marveling at the vast beauty of this country we live in. for me, it's an affirmation (at just the right time) of the extraordinary that exists right under our noses. there's a new hidden object game from Big Fish that the pair of them have been glued to for almost two days.

and of course....there's the art and the pursuit thereof.  big paintings and small paintings, illustrated story 'books', air-drying clay sculpture....it's never-ending.

but is it enough?

i really don't know. it's a blind faith, this road.

mostly we're just bumbling along.

painting and piercing

it would seem that arting is mostly what we do these days...painting, art journals, sketching...forever we are on the hunt for the next thing to draw/paint/glue/imagine.

and because i'm taking up the 'big painting' wall-space.....she paints on the floor.

and then there was yesterday....we had a consultation with Ty the Piercing Guy (not actually what he calls himself, it rhymes so i felt i had to use it) -- he and his partner have the tattoo and piercing shop  next door to my work....so all of our piercing and tattooing needs are taken care of by them -- such as those needs are. :)

Ty is a funny little man...lots of piercings (naturally), some body-modifications of the pointy-eared variety and a plethora of ink.  he's also Very Serious about what he does.  his standards of cleanliness would leave most hospitals wanting.  we're talking aseptic. (and i happen to know about these things). i covet his autoclave. so of course i would trust my baby girls' ear lobes to him without a second thought.

BUT...she had to go through a bit of an 'interview' first. he's not in the habit of piercing minors. but since we're neighbours and all....

naturally (because we've been talking about it since she decided she wanted it done, way back in November), she passed muster. dazzling him, even, with her understanding of the process and the responsibilities therein ;)

she's quite pleased with herself and is diligent about the rather stringent cleansing guidelines Ty wrote out for her.

{inspired by Rabbit}

(can you see the hint of a sparkle in her ears?)

it was strange, actually...watching her chat, quite unconcerned she was, by Ty's rather striking appearance - surgical mask and all. thinking "wow...this is my daughter"...it took me back to the first time, way back, 8 years ago when she was born, and the first time i ever said those words -- 'my daughter' - and the weight of what that actually meant settled into my heart and forged itself to my soul.

it's all very surreal sometimes, isn't it?

sunday...again

where has the time gone?

my current outlet for stress...origami is highly addictive (no scrap of paper is safe)

painting

"peace serpents"  (a Savannah original-concept)

running in with tidbits about deer stampedes

chess

origami

on the phone to Laiba in Pakistan

snow-play

wrapping

writing

meltdowns and hysteria (sometimes even the children)

secrets in the cupboard

headaches and sore tummies

'the christians and the pagans' ;)

visiting

baking

cleaning (not even close to being done that yet)

poetry

knitting (all major projects finished...wooot!)

new movies

a solar system

Black Beauty audio-CD

.....and lots of deep breaths and cuddles.

it's truly difficult to hang onto peaceful life at this time of year.  desperately i'd like to cocoon us in a fortress of solitude...but at the same time, we enjoy (mostly) the hustle and bustle of family and going and doing....

~*~

i'm not one for retrospectives and cringe at the thought of 'resolutions'.... but i am ruminating on some intentions for 2011....an aspect of which i've started over here.. it struck me as a most delightful project and one i intend to continue on past the month of January.

but for now...it's one day to the next until Xmas....and i don't mind admitting, i'll be glad when it's all over. ;)

sunday musings

(something to listen to you while you visit)

a strange week...not entirely wonderful, not entirely horrific either.  (my Nanna is getting better...gaining strength daily...many thanks for your assorted kindnesses)

so it's been a week of reflection, of counted blessings and deeper thought on what this time of year really means for us.  it's also been a week of arguing and fighting and tears and temper and cuddles and proclamations of love.

handmade history hanging on our beautiful tree

yep. we've about covered it all.

Bashy's Solstice gift...a mini-version of B's scarf from last year

some of it i'll blame on (my)hormones...some of it i'll blame on the stresses that come with this season (and they do come, no matter how hard we try to maintain that state of inner peace and Presence)....some of it i'll blame on me not keeping all of the important stuff in perspective....and helping my Shinies do the same.

but let us not dwell on that which we cannot change. instead, we're moving forward, with new perspectives and new delights.

a gift from distant Devon....handmade JOY!

it's a rainy Sunday morning. i got up extra early so that i could hit the 24-hour Wal-Mart to finish up a few odds and ends of shopping...stocking stuffers for extended family and whatnot.  (may i just mention how much i loathe that place?). i stopped in to get the newspaper and coffee for my Beloved B....just so he wouldn't have to go out in the drizzle when he woke up (that's just how much i *heart* him) and i'm sitting here with the tree lights twinkling in the early grey light, sipping my coffee and sinking deep into the peace.

the fruits of Savannah's and Auntie B's baking labours -- choccie-dipped cherry mice!

i know, right? :)

i wish i could articulate the swirling of thoughts and emotion in my head and heart. i wish i could share how blessed i feel to have a warm house and food on our table -- i know we don't have a lot, but we surely have enough.

it's been a difficult year -- financially and emotionally -- but i feel happier in all things than i remember ever feeling.  perhaps it's the whittling down....the simplifying....the realizing of what truly matters.

life is good. really good.

soundtrack sunday....

he's gone from us now...but his message is timeless....

~wishing you peace~

tuesday was...

warm...

then cold.

walking meditation in the wild wind...searching for the words that darted just out of reach.

paper and scissors and glue

readying the envelopes for our Countdown to Chrimbly (details to follow)

poetry

Jump Start

reading aloud

thoughts of painting....and then painting...

big-ass paper waiting for my latest BIG masterpiece. Sebastian modelling for size perspective

eraser crumbs

toast crumbs

three cups of tea

tacos for dinner

playing with our food

dried-up carrots and motley apples...good for ponies...and food-art (the clementines and peppermints are just visiting)

it was a difficult day.

this side of the full moon leaves me feeling rather drained....it's a time when i want to retreat and not do much. i had a poem that wanted writing and a painting wanting paint but both were an effort and the feeling like i *ought* to be doing either was grating on my nerves.

i may have been a bit snippy.

grace and gratitude. such were the mantras of my day.

it always looks different in hindsight.

when good haircuts go bad

funny thing happened yesterday.

i suppose it's one of those childhood rites of passage things....you know, those horror stories recounted with glee at family gatherings when the involved parties are decades older.

i suppose it was only a matter of time.

i should preface this by saying this is another one of those Truth in Advertising posts where i don't gloss over the gory details.

it was early evening and the kids and i had just returned from a visit with my mom and dad, B wasn't yet home from his day of running around various court-houses and law-firms doing assorted legally-paperworkish things....i was settling in with a cuppa for a bit of blog-reading and the kids were downstairs playing quietly.

that, Dear Reader, is when my maternal antennae should have been all a-quiver. "quietly". clearly, i was tired/couldn't be bothered/thankful for the peace.

Sebastian suddenly materialized beside me wearing assorted stickers on his face and wrapped up in twine. not unusual in itself, they have a rather strange dynamic at times, these two cherubim of mine.  but this latest escapade of attire could not disguise the fact that Savannah had evidently decided his hair needed a bit of a trim ("It was getting in his eyes!"). which he did. i just hadn't got around to it.

(photo taken this morning) 

here's where i'd like to say i handled it with the cool, calm and thoroughly Zen attitude of a more enlightened mother who of course realizes, It's just hair, She's expressing her independence, It's of little importance in the Grand Scheme of Things, Bashy doesn't mind, It doesn't look that bad....and other such  wisdoms. and there's also the monumental irony of her dreadlocks which some people would consider the epitome of Hair Crimes and view with downright revulsion...and not only have i supported her decision but also aided and abetted their creation. what kind of mother am i?

but this is my baby boy.

and his beautiful golden hair.

after i attempted to make it even, he looked less like a victim of a nuclear accident but it really, really, really bugged me. really.

and i told Savannah so.

and i forbid her to EVER do anything like that again.  (amongst other recriminations that i don't even remember in my moment of angst over the hairdo).  all of which i felt horrible about after having time to calm down.

so what's the deal?  who was that person who reared her authoritarian head and FREAKED OUT over a bad haircut?

alas, it seems i still have vestiges of the Curse Of Caring What Other People Think.

which really sucks because i thought i'd risen above that. i mean, i do rise above that -- on a daily basis, even. and to think i had a moment  (okay, several) over something as superficial as hair. ugh.

maybe it had something to do with my own baggage about bad haircuts. one too many during high school...

but mostly it's got me thinking.  i'll let you know what i come up with. if anything.

ps. Savannah is utterly cool with the whole thing, she regarded my freak-out with much bemusement. she is clearly more enlightened than i. and yes, i apologized for getting crabby and saying ridiculous things.

so what's the point?

so many half-formed thoughts on things i'd like to write about.....this week has seen waves of synchronicity buffeting me about.

my blogging  history is somewhat dodgy at best...i went from daily diatribes to dwindling off to packing it in altogether. something about feeling *required* to post -- even though that was ludicrously self-imposed -- put me off. add to that, a general world-weariness with the 'mommy-blogger' set and i went off in a huff.

a view from my ride to work on Wednesday

and it didn't help that i'd divided myself into three parts - this unschooly-themed blog, my arty efforts blog and another, more navel-gazing one which no longer exists in the public realm. i suppose the effort (yes, enormous, it was) to keep them all going eroded my enthusiasm.

i have a love-hate thing with blogging. i've come dangerously close to hitting Ye Olde Delete button many a time - existential crisis mostly...or paranoia over who might be reading...or rebellion against all the Other Unschooling Mother's who appear to be doing a better job than i am.

which, of course, is bullshit.

so i've wended my way to something of a disgruntled delight in the act of blogging -- having completely reframed my perspective. it's disgruntled only because i was sure i was done with the whole thing and had just got comfortable with my righteous indignation. i'm sure the disgruntlement will wear off in time.

all set to go to The Royal Winter Fair 

so this will become more than 'just' our family unschooling blog.

i am more than the way i parent, and more than the devastating charm of my children -- although they are much to do with the space i occupy now. i'm not entirely sure how or in what ways, it will be more....but i know that i'm bored with posting pictures of what we do during a week....and occasionally frantic that the photographic lack will illustrate that we sometimes accomplish very little. (that can be documented by photos, of course)

i am content in the notion that the very few people who read regularly will perhaps become even fewer. but i am also quite content with the notion that whether or not anyone actually reads, i still have the odd interesting thing to say. that's a pretty huge revelation for me.

it's about fearlessness.

and being fearless has to start somewhere.