d-evolution

you know, i keep thinking i'm going to stop posting here -- feeling as if i've not a whole lot to share of our days...rambling and feral as they have increasingly become and certainly without a litany of things-we've-done that would be of interest.

but then i stop in for a quick visit and find myself smiling at what i find....and so i come back, especially now - as it represents a place of comfort.

because things are going to change, it seems, as Savannah has expressed a serious interest in going to school.

unfurling...

i know, right?

i'll be honest....i cried. i sat and grieved for a good hour before i could pull myself together enough to join the conversation.

the Green Man waits...

my first, panicked, thought was to say absolutely NO - we don't believe in school. {well, at least i don't - B  can appreciate the philosophy on both sides of the argument} and other parents refuse their children access to things they don't believe in, right? television, candy, religious beliefs...the list goes from the trivial to the deeply personal...

but what kind of life-learning proponent would that make me?

new leaves sprouting...finally

if this is how my child chooses to explore her learning, then i have to respect that and support her and provide her with that outlet. denying her based on my {admittedly biased} beliefs is fundamentally opposed to the whole concept of educational autonomy.

nevertheless, i'm freakin' terrified.

we've had conversations since, about the 'good' and the 'not-so-good'; we've explained how we are not (and never will be) concerned with tests and grades and the other measuring sticks that schools require to monitor the masses -- but we've also made clear that if she chooses this road, then those things will be applied to her. i don't want to demonize school {i don't believe that's fair} but i want her going in there with her eyes wide open.

view from the picnic blanket...art-in-the-park

it's not a done-deal yet - we need to make an appointment with the Principal of the local school -- and i've no idea how they'll take us me. if i sense they aren't receptive to our philosophy - and yes, i realize they aren't required to be - then i may still veto the whole thing. she has come too, too far.....

i'm wracking my brain, trying to find alternatives...wondering if she needs more structure {although she claims not to}. my first instinct was to think i've failed her in some way...that i've not fulfilled her needs sufficiently. so i'm not laying down my sword, just yet...;)

any and all thoughts/suggestion/nuggets of wisdom are welcome....

life with horses

B and i decided when the children were still only tiny, that we wouldn't push our horsey life on them. we wouldn't assume that they'd follow in our footsteps...and, in fact, moved away from that life altogether. granted, it took B's accident to prompt him to move away - there really wasn't a choice -- but the important thing was that if either one was to choose to have horses in their life, it was to be a choice freely made.

some time last autumn, Savannah decided she'd like to take riding lessons.  we asked her to wait until spring -- who wants to learn to ride in a Canadian winter? -- also to be sure it's what she really wanted..and not just a passing whim.

java -- naughty pony

fast forward to this autumn, and she's been taking weekly lessons since May.  it's all gone very well and she is,  genuinely and without bias (mostly), a natural talent.  her lesson time changed to Thursday evenings about two months ago, and since that's my evening to work, B has been taking her.  last night a shift cancellation meant i could take her and was very much looking forward to seeing how things have progressed.

but she's had a rough few weeks. she's been thrown twice in the last month - once it was unavoidable and she weathered it well, but the second time it was a ridiculous situation she was placed in where poor judgement on her instructor's part had the pony taking off at a smart gallop and although she almost stayed on, in the end, she fell off. that one, rattled her.  now, she tells me on Wednesday night, she's afraid to trot.

*sigh*

so what does a mother do?  there is a very real element in this horsey life that absolutely requires a measure of toughness. there's no pussy-footing around. she fell off and she will fall off again. ponies will bugger off; they'll buck; they'll do all manner of fiendish things. it's just a part of life with horses.  how to communicate that to her without making it sound like a 'suck it up' speech. when really, that's what it is.

looking very serious -- note the size difference between pony and (beginner) rider :(

so we drew some cards.

and the lessons to be learned there were simple but powerful.  i explained to her that the reason she was frightened was because she had forgotten. she had forgotten her own strength; she had forgotten that even though she was scared when she fell off the last time, she got back on. and i talked about how her pony would pick up on her feelings and that she needed to remember to keep her *heart balance* -- which is an over-simplified explanation of being calm and centered.

nevertheless, she was terrified. she was reluctant to trot and her pony picked up on that. so the poor assistant instructor had to run beside them to keep the little effer going (i'm not a fan of this pony -- he's naughty and he's a cheat....but i digress)...all the while, i hear Savannah whimpering and on the verge of tears.  oh, how i did not want to be one of Those Mothers -- you know the ones...the over-involved, bossy types that don't respect the boundaries of the teacher/instructor/coach-student relationship -- but when it got to the point where her coach was apparently intent on trying to push her through her fear rather than address it, i stepped in. i gave her a little pep talk and reminded her of needing to remember her *balance*....and the lesson ended much better than it started and she felt good about how things finished.

but we're also exploring other options. i went to a meeting afterwards of the local Pony Club chapter -- having just signed her up.....it's a whole different dynamic than the typical 'show stables' and will give her a better practical knowledge and skills of horsemanship rather than just the part where you're riding around.  it will also give us a network to find a place where there are ponies that aren't too big for the children riding them and....eventually, a pony of her own.

before all that though, she still needs to defeat the Java Monster.

Weiner love....

Sometimes, a little sausage-dog love, is all a girl needs when she's feelin' blue....

Hair today.....

....gone tomorrow...

After growing her hair out for almost a year...and being royally fed up with the tangles and snarls and the wearing of braids and ponytails in an effort to avoid the tangles and snarls...Savannah announced it was time to get it cut short.

Slightly bedraggled before....

(this is the longest - EVER!)

Impishly cropped and oh soooooooooo adorable...



I know what Nanna will say....there's a family resemblance here...:)