Tuesday, May 17, 2011


thank you, thank you, thank you -- your thoughts and words are a gift to me...

i've been in deep contemplation this last couple of days and i keep going back to my first instinct -- which was to say "no". but i need to know it isn't coming entirely from fear....or a need for control.


i'm reading John Holt {again} -- {i should read him every day} -- and it's helping me recognize the magic that has already happened....i'm unwilling to disrupt the spell.

my biggest fear, though - and Stephanie, you named it -- is that she will lose herSelf.  in my heart i don't think she's strong enough....she's a sensitive soul-- deeply, deeply so -- and let's face it, school is a shark tank. it took her years to overcome what five months of kindergarten did to her. {you're right, Sam - she's 8}

but how to communicate that to her without making her feel a lack -- that i believe there's something wrong with her? i'm painfully aware of how the early messages we hear can inform a lifetime...{an argument against school right there - lol} i also don't want her to think i underestimate her...which perhaps i am.

i still believe that this is coming from a different need -- although i've asked thirty ways to next Tuesday and she insists she wants for nothing. i'll keep digging though....

don't mind me...i'm just thinking out loud...;)


  1. Well Mel, It's not easy but let me tell you my experience.
    I was probably lucky we were so rural and I began in a classroom of 3 grades and was still the best reader in the room, somewhat adept with a pencil and paper for making words etc but a dismal loss with that numbery stuff. The teacher had me helping poorer readers, doing writing with second grade and arithmetic with my own class. But for 4th grade I began in a one grade per room school and then we moved and it was 5th/6th together and 7th/8th. It all seemed 'normal' to me and I continued to march to my own drummer oblivious to the accomodations obviously (to me now) being made for me and was able to grow up into the quirky 'one of a kind' sort o strange character that you know me as today. Could they ALL have been great teachers? I doubt it! Were there rough spots? Of course! But I look back on it as basically good.

  2. Should I muddle things even worse and tell you of my experiences? Of the bullying and beatings? Probably not :-) I will just wish you securely on your way. I will say though, don't ask the child. She won't know. Ask her angels.

  3. dearest Mel...

    Oh, how I hear your heart on this one! Dylan goes through this once or twice a year...but, for him it always comes down to just wanting to be around more kiddos. Luckily, there are children who live in our neighborhood, his age, and he plays with them almost every afternoon. When he begins asking questions about going back, I answer him honestly about everything he asks. I'm not going to make it out to be worse/better than it was for him when he was there, or when I was there too. Dylan is much older, though. I usually suggest, "Why don't you ask your friends about what school is like for them? What are their favorite parts, or least favorite parts?" Most school children always respond the same...they hate it. They wish they were homeschooled like Dylan.

    So, in our household, it passes quickly.

    Hoping the same for you!

  4. Great idea about the Angels. I am going to do a meditation later to meet J's and try and work through a couple of issues.
    Such a tightrope to be walking Mel. More hugs xx

  5. Mel, I am thinking of you at this difficult time. Luckily for me, none of mine have ever expressed a desire to go to school. I have been sitting trying to think about what I would say to them should this situation arrive. I think you can only be honest at a time like this. Ok so you don't want to influence her decision, but to be honest, she can't make an impartial decision as she has no real knowledge of school to base it on. I think you could set out all the facts, with the pros and cons of both paths and hope that she can make a good decision. This said, I would struggle an untold amount with letting any of my children go to school, so I would also be very understanding of you making the decision for her, for her own good. Sending you lots of virtual hugs! Liz x

  6. Been thinking of you, and hope you're doing alright!
    Sending lots of love and strength,

  7. I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. My eldest boy was probably the most damaged from his short time at school, and yet he expressed an interest in going to school not long before Christmas, and I was devastated (but I didn't blog about it - so kudos to you - I just couldn't.)

    I didn't show how I felt, and I kept asking him why the change of heart, and he said because he wanted to, and wasn't much clearer than that.

    This went on for half of November and a week of December, and then I said he could go to school after Christmas, and then....

    then he told me that it would be too late, as he only wanted to go to school for the christmas party. Seriously I wanted to hug him and kill him at the same time. All that soul searching for a party.

    I suppose it was a good lesson, that whilst respecting your kids wishes and desires is important, some times you need to make sure they are not thinking on the same level as you.

    What ever happens, you'll always be you and that is a huge gift to your child xo.


~~Thank you for taking the time to share in our madness...please, if the mood takes you, leave your thoughts here:~~